goddammitfenton: if you ever feel bad about yourself, just remember this one time in my english class, we were writing horror stories and one of the girls wrote “it was friday the 13th, the night before halloween” for her opening sentence
lolsofunny: laughter-everyday: exittunespresents: so the science teachers at my school are all really funny and one of them has his profile picture public and Looks like some kinda stock photo (lol here!)
vardaesque: burritwo: adrians: a-creepy-weirdo-has: adrians: I had 3 stitches in my ear today and now my ear is swollen like a balloon I’m not being racist but if you didnt want your ear to swell up you probably shouldn’t have gotten stitches. how is that racist they just said they weren’t being racist do you even listen of course they can’t hear their ear is swollen up like a...
14 reasons people should stop hating leonardo... →
obsessivecreature: dimmitutto: sweetmoonbeam17: 1. He dances like this at parties 2. He can do this with his face 3. He quit smoking 3 years ago like a badass 4. He loves his family and mama a whole lot 5. He also fucking loves his dogs and animals in general classy as fuck 6. He uses his fame wisely. He is extremely devoted in animal, wildlife and human welfare and...
looz-y: izanyanorihara: constantcalibrations: swervesbar: people who hate female characters bc they get in the way of their m/m otp People who genderbend female characters bc they want m/m otps instead People who genderbend a male character to make the pairing ‘straight’ finding out your step daughter went to the ball without your permission and danced with the prince all...
westbor0baptistchurch: tootsied: iapprovethispost: tootsied: I don’t give a damn about my reputation [LOUD GUITAR] You’re living in the past it’s a new generation [LOUD GUITAR] [SHREK ATTACKS THE KNIGHTS AT LORD FARQUAD’S CASTLE]
do you ever just want to gently place your hands on someones cheeks and hold their head there in your hands and looking into their eyes and then violently jerk their head on a right angle and snap their neck Well, that took an unexpected turn. so did their neck
lolsofunny: heckboy: being poor and liking video games (lol here!)
Blueberries piss me the fuck off
all1sees: They’re BLUE. but mashed, they’re PURPLE?? AND WHEN SKINNED, WE SEE THE INSIDES ARE GREEN????? WHAT THE EVERLIVING FUCK, BLUEBERRIES?!
I hate when...
lolsofunny: I can’t put what I’m searching for into words. (lol here!)
uryuu: “what are you in for?” an inmate asks me. i flick my cigarette and glance over, puffing out the last bit of smoke. ”illegally downloading the animes,” i reply. everyone in jail then takes a turn kicking my ass.
margaerynn: margaerynn: a Game of Thrones au where the Starks have teacup pomeranians instead of direwolves “that one’s yours, Jon Snow”
How the Logic of "Friendzoning" Would Work If...
*Man walks into a store and finds employee*
Man: Alright, I've had enough. Why haven't you guys hired me?!
Employee: Uh...well sir, when did you put in your application?
Man: I never filled out an application.
Employee: Well sir, we can't consider you for employment if you've never filled out an application.
Man: No, that's bullshit, because I've been coming here for years now, and every single time I tell you all how much I love this store and how much I appreciate your customer service, unlike some of your other customers might I add!
Employee: Well, but that doesn't-
Man: AND I even told you that I didn't have a job!
Employee: But sir, that doesn't indicate to us that you would like a job at our store. And again, if you've never filled out an application, we can't consider you. Besides, we're not hiring.
Man: OH! Not hiring, HA! What a laugh. I see your store go through seasonal workers all the time. They come and go like nothing, but you won't consider me as a part-time employee even though I KNOW you've been looking for workers to fill positions? That's insane!
Employee: Sir, we've been looking to hire a few people for management positions. Do you have any management experience?
Man: Well no, but what does that matter?
Employee: ...Well sir, that's what we're looking for. You won't be suitable for the position without management experience.
Man: Oh that's such a load of crap. You know, you'll be waiting around a long time for a manager if you don't lower your standards a little. Who cares if someone knows how to manage a store? I LOVE this store and I'm willing to work here, that's all that should matter to you.
Employee: That...doesn't make any sense.
Man: NO! I'm done. This is over. From now on, no more Mr. Nice Guy.
Man: Fuck you, slut.
certainwordsuncertaintimes: I can’t tell if Amanda Bynes is really in need of help, or if she is pulling off the most amazing and fully committed Amanda show skit of her life
figurants: some people were born today. hello babies welcome to the earth. you missed a bunch of stuff while you were busy not existing. jbiebs did some things you would not believe
tapdancers: In British, we dont say “I love you” we say “crumpet crumpet the queen tea scoodilypoop Mary poppins” which roughly translates to “I am a part of you”. Tragically beautiful.
skyforme-shaymin: arbokstarship: IM SO DONE WITH POKEMON RIGHT NOW I ONLY REALIZED TODAY THAT THIS LITTLE FUCKER SHAYMIN IS NOT JUST A HEDGEHOG IT IS LITERALY A HEDGEHOG FUCKING POKEMON IM 5000% DONE WITH YOU TODAY oh my god
Are You Right-Brained Or Left-Brained?